The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
