YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
