apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
