We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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