fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
