I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
