Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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