According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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