another moral hangover. fuck.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
