Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
