At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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