No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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