I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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