so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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