I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
