Me. At least after what I've been through.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love you. Go after that dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
