did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
