She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
