i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
