He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
