There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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