Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
