Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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