Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
