Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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