Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
