is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
