I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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