The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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