Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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