I puked a lego.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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