You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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