Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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