It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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