what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
