ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
