STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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