And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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