everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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