The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
