Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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