): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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