and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
