Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize