I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
