I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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