I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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