Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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