I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
