We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
