You're my little dorito
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
