so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
