Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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