Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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