so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
