that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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