the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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