it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
