i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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