hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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