Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
