It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
