gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
