Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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