i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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