You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
