remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
