i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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