It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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