I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
