Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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